He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
