Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize