where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
