I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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