i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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