my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
