I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
