I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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