Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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