hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
