Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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