Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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