Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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