So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is my gift to your gina
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
