they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
