So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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