she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
