wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
