i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
