Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
