But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
