Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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