i think i have herpe
just one?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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