its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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