I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
