The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize