The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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