my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
