tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
