This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
