o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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