Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
