he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i barfeds in our rink
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
