Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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