I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
