she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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