in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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