I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
