ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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