I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
