I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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