Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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