Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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