dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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