facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
