she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
