hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
