Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
