Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

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(775): View more from Nevada

No, you can still breathe under the balls.

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(734): View more from Michigan

A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

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(530): View more from California

Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

Just look for the house with the beer knights.

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(817): View more from Texas

Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"

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(314): View more from Missouri

She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad

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