Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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