fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
