It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
