I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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