i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
