No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
