Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
