It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
