I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
