You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
