i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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