i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
