How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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